What Could Happen
by stephybearx
Summary: When Olivia sits and wonders what could have been with her life, an old friend comes home and changes everything. Are the boys willing to help her be happy, or will they deny what they've been told? AO/fem
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer – I own nothing of this story. Nothing at all. Wish I did but what can ya do.**

**Also, the **_**italics**_** are flashbacks, and everything else is in the present.**

**If anyone has any ideas to help or anything, do leave feedback.**

**Enjoy!**

**This chapter is in Olivia's POV.**

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Who am I? I'm a woman who works day and night, and in the end, comes home to an empty bed. An empty, _cold_, bed. Everyone asks me about my love life and I never know what to tell them. Sure, I've brought guys back to my apartment and the next morning they're gone, but I want more. But then, there were nights where I brought home woman, and they ended up staying in the morning, yet it didn't feel right. So basically, I'm back to where I started; alone.

I'll admit that I'm very hard headed when it comes to who I date, but I can't help that. Ever since I dated a man named Michael, I've been scared to find someone. He, of course, turned out to be a perp that we've been looking for for months. When we finally caught him, he laughed in my face and basically said he used me to beat the system. I remember everything so clearly…

"_Olivia, my dear Olivia… how could you not see this coming? You've grown more and more attached to me and I always used it to my advantage. What did you expect my dearest Olivia? Sooner or later you were gonna find someone who would end up being someone you'd have to lock up, and I guess I'm the one for you. I'm truly proud of myself for this accomplishment. You've all worked for months tracking me down, and all along I was in your bed. It makes me laugh really… But in your defense, you're a wonderful woman, and great in bed might I add. Olivia, you caught me, and now you lost me.. I'm a baby raper, yes a baby raper, and I enjoy it thoroughly. I know you'll never forget me I say this because now you'll know that every time we were in bed, I thought it was the children I got a hold of.. Just remember that from now on…"_

Ever since that speech he said to me, I haven't been able to go on any dates without being afraid that one day, I'll end up booking them for some type of sexual crime. It scares the shit out of me. Maybe I should go back to dating women? Women were always so much more caring and soft. But no one in my squad knew, not even Elliot. How would I tell him that I was bisexual? How would he take that? Elliot and his family were religious, so what if he shunned me? Would he ask for a new partner? Would he try to track down Dani and give her another shot? Honestly, I don't know the answers to all my questions. If I wrote down every fear, every question that popped into my head about everything, I'd probably fill up so many notebooks. I would, but I don't want to waste the paper. I know Munch knows something is up. I've been slow and groggy recently at work, and he's not stupid. He's always the first to know when something is wrong with me. But how do I break it to all of them? I've been working with them for so long, so why can't I tell them I like women? What's so hard about that? All I have to do is walk in to the squad room and say, "I like women." Who knows what their reaction might be. But I know the main question would be is "who made you realize you liked women more then men?" and I don't know if I could be honest with them. The woman I feel for didn't even know how I felt, but I had such strong feelings for her that I knew they were true. That woman was perfect in my eyes. Absolutely perfect. But then again, maybe it wouldn't be hard for me to tell them… I'd just have to say her name and all was said and done.

Alexandra Cabot.

_ADA Alexandra Cabot._

And truth be told, I miss her.

It's been almost 5 years since she was put into WPP, and to this day, I know we had something. Maybe not physically, but emotionally we were close. But now she has to come back soon. The drug dealers were all killed in a drug bust, so that means she should be coming back soon.

I'm getting my hopes up thought, don't you agree? I'm sure she's married, has an amazing job, has kids even, and forgot about this place. Forgot about me… The thought of her forgetting her previous life breaks my heart. I wish she would come back to the squad. Don't get me wrong, I love Casey and all, but Alex… Alex was the first to really show us what being stubborn, strong, and tough was all about. And then there were the nights where everyone left, and I was still working on papers, and I'd look into her office, and she seemed emotionally drained. She seemed so upset with herself and angry that she couldn't finish up her work. I remember one night I knocked on her office door offering to help her, and she looked up.

"_Detective, as much as I would love some help, I'm going to have to decline. I just have so much work that I need to read and go over and it's endless…" She put her head in her hands._

"_How 'bout some coffee then, Counselor? There's the small diner across the street if you want to go. Get your head cleared for a little it, then I promise you could get back to your work, or better yet, go home and get some sleep…" I was very hopeful when she looked up with a half smile, and she nodded. "That would be wonderful Detective."_

We went to the diner, and we ended up talking for almost 2 hours. Sure, we both had work in a couple of hours, but neither of us cared because we were enjoying ourselves. After that night, she never declined my help. I'd see her struggle, and once I was done my work, I offered a hand to help her, and we almost always finished the work. I noticed she started opening up to me about her life, and how much she needed a break off of work. I was there for her, and not just because I had feelings for her, but I knew she needed a friend…

…I just wish I told her everything I felt before she got sent off. The night she got shot was the worst night of my life. I thought I was going to lose my best friend when it happened. Even though she was still alive, I still lost her. God knows where she's been living, and I… I can't stop thinking about what If I told her everything. What would happen if I did pour my heart out to her? Would that make me feel better then I do now? Would that have made her stay? I doubt it…

But all I know is, I miss her.

And I wish she would come back to us…

……..to me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Not mine. Oh well.**

**I put this up quickly so that everyone would get the story from both characters.**

**Italicized words are flashbacks. Enjoy!**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

My name? What is my name? I used to have a life as a very powerful woman. Now my life is me sitting behind a desk taking calls and listening to my superiors bitch and complain. That's not me.

My old life and friends know me as Alexandra Cabot, but others in this new life, know me a Stephanie Thompson. Nobody knows who I truly am in Wisconsin… I belong in Manhattan SVU. But I must admit, it's nice to take a break from all the chaos of catching perps and going after criminals. But now, its been 5 years, and I dearly miss it. I know that Velez and is gang were all murdered during a drug bust, but I'm still scared to go back.

I cant just go back. It doesn't work that way, not at all.

How can I go back to a place that deals with rape, molestation, and abuse when I was raped 2 years ago?

How could I possibly face Munch, Elliot, Fin, Cragen, and… and Olivia… I don't know how I can bare all of that. I've thought over and over about it almost every night. I think about the fact that they probably forgot all about me, and plus I've heard and read that their ADA is rather good. I don't know how to muster up the courage to go back and show my face to all of them.

I've aged a lot… Let me tell you that getting raped really sets your life back. I still remember that night like the back of my hand. I was at a bar with one of my coworkers and everyone was getting ready to leave and one of my friends asked if I needed a ride and I said no..

"_Are you sure you don't need a ride Steph? We don't live that from from each other." Jason only lived 2 blocks away from my apartment. He held my hand to get my attention and was being so sincere._

"_I'll be alright Jay, it's not that far from here, what's the worst that could happen? If my purse gets stolen it's no big deal… I'll be perfectly fine." I hoped he would let me be so I placed my hand on his shoulder giving him a nudge to leave. He nodded and walked out of the bar._

_I realized how much liquor was in my system so I started walking to the bathroom, but I was grabbed and pulled into a storage closet. I couldn't see anything and I was panicking but I couldn't scream. Whoever this person was had taped my mouth shut and made sure I couldn't see them. I could feel the room get colder so I figured that a window was open. Boy was a right once I feel my back slam across the concrete. He continued to drag me for about 15 minutes until I hear him opening up a garage, or what it seems to be. I'm thrown against some bags and piles of random lawn equipment. The man put a towel over my head and tied it around my neck so I couldn't see anything that was happening._

_I tried to scream, I damn well tried my hardest, but nothing would come out. I felt my life shatter before me as he began undressing me and touching me everywhere. I'm crying my eyes out and that makes him take full advantage of me. I feel something different as he begins raping me, something smooth. The bastard was smart enough to wear a god damn condom. That makes me quiver because I realize this was a planned attack on me. When he was all done, he muttered a few sentences, "My beautiful Alex… too bad you will never know me, and no one will ever know what truly happened to miss Alex Cabot… I mean Stephanie Thompson. I'll never forget you sweetie…" and I heard him run off. I laid there in tears hoping someone would find me, but no one did. I ended up passing out and I woke up and I was in a hospital…"_

I'm sure it could've been worse, but as a woman, being raped changes a girl on so many levels. I can't even be alone in a room with a guy longer then 5 minutes without having a panic attack. It bothers me though.. when people say, "When you're raped, you begin to fear men, so you turn to females, and eventfully either fall in love with them, or trust them more than life itself. .." And that couldn't be anymore true for me. I used to date men all of the time, I loved men… I loved how strong they were, and how I felt safe around them. Now I can't stand looking at them.

After being raped, I tried being with woman, but it wasn't the same for me. Trust me, the sex meant more for me then it ever did with a guy, but something was missing. Was I already in love with a woman in my past life? Did I fall for a woman before I even knew I was gay? Was I destined to be gay? I try to think back to all the females I used to know and no one popped into my head. Who could I possibly have feelings for. And then I remembered…

Detective Olivia Benson.

The thought of her makes my heart flutter and my chest tighten. Why did I never see it before? I know my job was the most important thing to me back then, but what would happen if I came out saying I'm gay? Would I lose my job? Would nothing change? How would the guys feel about it all? I'm sure they noticed how Olivia and I acted. She was a good friend to me, she helped me open up to her and allow her to actually help me. I _never_ left anyone help me. I was practically a stone wall back then.

But then she offered me coffee and to get out. That changed everything. I realized someone actually cared about me more than just being their superior, but more as a friend. How could I not see it then? Was I naïve? Was she gay? I don't know… I know she never had the best luck with guys but I never heard of her being with any women, so what was I jumping onto? A thought? I had no solid proof that she was gay, and even if she was, would she even have feelings for me? She was always so friendly with me and always helped, unlike Elliot, she was warm hearted. Am I getting my hopes up?

I don't even know if I'll ever return there… I have everything that's needed right here in Wisconsin… But I don't have love. I don't have my real life, and I most certainly do not have my self. I need to go back soon though.

I remember the look in her eyes when I left. I've never seen more emotion in that woman's eyes than I did that night. I know she saw me cry… I know she knows I saw her tear up. It's not registering in my mind what was exactly going on…

I was losing one of the greatest friends I've ever had…

_And potentially losing the greatest lover…_


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I own nothing of SVU. Nor do I own the song [Michelle Branch – Here With Me. (I edited the song a bit because the chorus repeats itself a couple times)**

**Here's the deal, the first 2 chapters were kind of an introduction to Olivia and Alex and how their lives have been since Alex went away.**

**The next 2 chapters will have songs in them, and it'll be like a mini song fic but it goes with everything that I already wrote and will be writing... kind of like a diary for them… I promise chapter 5 will start the actual monologue and storyline.**

**OMG and you guys are the best. I love love love your reviews. I didn't expect to get 1, let alone 6! You guys are truly awesome! Honestly guys, if you have suggestions, do let me know, I love new ideas and everything. And feel free to get ahold of me if you get confused or anything. I try my hardest to make it very understandable and no questions asked thing.**

**So enjoy!**

**(italicized words are the songs)**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

**Olivia POV**

I love my morning jogs. They truly help me clear my head and help me just lose myself and take myself away from the harsh world that I live in. I work 24/7 and I hardly ever have time to myself to just think about my life, and to just relish the fact that I've made my life so much better then I would've ever thought. I'm sure if my mother was still alive she'd shun me completely. She'd probably think that me being a sex crimes detective just meant that I enjoyed seeing the graphic images and I loved being in the spotlight. I wish I could've proved her wrong. I **am** proving her wrong. I want nothing but to help the victims of those horrifying events….

….But as I switch the songs on my Ipod, I come across a song that completely changes my train of thought. The song makes me wonder off and think of what my life would be now if Alex was still here… All the thoughts in my head just keep coming up and it really breaks me down… I don't know why I'm so weak when it comes to thinking about her… I continue my run but my mind is still spinning with the thoughts….

_It's been a long, long time since I looked into the mirror_

_I guess that I was blind_

_Now my reflection's getting clearer_

_Now that you're gone things will never be the same again_

I never really saw my true character as much as I did when I was with you. We became so close so quickly, and it boggled my mind that I could ever get someone close to you. Everyone thought you were a stone wall and you had to heart because of how tough you were. But I saw through that completely… I saw through the façade that you put up, I saw through your toughness, and I definitely saw that you were in need of someone to talk to, someone you could call a good friend. You made me realize who I really was. I wasn't a drunken mess like my mother, and I definitely wasn't an abusive asshole like my father. When I think of you, I get happy. When I think about you, my mind wonders off to years from now when we're happy… but right now… I'm everything but happy.

_There's not a minute that goes by every hour of every day_

_You're such a part of me_

_But I just pulled away_

_Well, I'm not the same girl you used to know_

_I wish I said the words I never showed_

There were so many clues and hints that you gave me, but I was so blind and naïve to think that anything would ever become of us. I think that in my mind, I didn't even know I harvested such feelings for a woman, and let alone the woman that everyone thought didn't own a heart. Sure I know you went on dates, but the next day after your dates, you always seemed like you built up another wall and became harder to get to. You got further and further away and it broke my heart. But at the same time, I was at fault also. I never showed my feelings, and when I was about to, I just pulled away completely. When you left, things were never the same….

_I know you had to go away_

_I died just a little, and I feel it now_

_You're the one I need_

_I believe that I would cry just a little_

_Just to have you back now_

_Here with me_

_Here with me_

I wish you didn't have to go away. Every night after you got shot and taken away, I cried myself to sleep. When you got shot, I could've sworn I died right there… When Elliot called over to you and noticed you were o the ground, I didn't know what to do. I tried to stop the bleeding and I tried everything… but it wasn't enough. You were still going to be taken away from us… from me… I always needed you Alex, always. I would honestly do anything to get you to come back here, and even if I never had the balls to confront you about my feelings, we both know they're there. We both knew damn well what was going on between us. But I also know both of us were scared. You didn't want to start any unneeded publicity because of your status as the ADA, and I was afraid of what everyone would think. I mean, the boys always joked around about it with me because I never had any luck with guys, but they knew something was up. Elliot is an extremely smart guy, and he knows me pretty damn well. He knew my struggles with getting guys to understand that my job came before anything and that I can be called at the worst of hours, and I'd** have** to go. But I don't think Elliot ever realized how much you meant to me. I don't think anybody did. Even myself…

_You know that silence is loud when all you hear is your heart_

_And I wanted so badly just to be a part of something strong and true_

_But I was scared and left it all behind_

When you were in the van about to be taken away that night, my heart was pounding so badly. I knew that if I didn't tell you everything then and there, I'd be regretting it. And let me tell you, I am regretting not saying anything so so much… I was terrified. I was completely terrified that If I told you, you would just ignore it and tell me that was the end of everything. But I knew you wouldn't because I**KNEW** you had those same feelings for me. I left it all behind… and I know that doesn't make sense because Alex was the one who left, but if I had protected her, I wouldn't be in the mess that I am right now. I knew if we started anything romantic of any sort, it would be so pure and strong. I never felt the butterflies in my stomach for anyone I ever dated. But seeing you walk into the precinct, I got those instant butterflies and it made me happy. At first I was confused because how could I ever fall so hard for a woman? My main concern was how to tell you, and let alone, admit it. The boys didn't know I had a thing for girls, and I'm scared of what they'd say and how they'd react… But you… I honestly think you would've been worth it…

_And I'm asking_

_And I'm wanting you to come back to me_

_Please?_

I know it's a long shot, but every night I've wished for you to call, to show up on my doorstep, just something to make my pain and heartache go away. I know nothing was ever set in stone between us, but I beg and plead every night for you to come back to me. Not the precinct, not Cragen, not the courtroom, but to me. After you come to me you can do all that stuff. But I truly believe in my heart and soul that you would come back to me. Even if you first come to me to visit and say hi as a friend, it'**something**. I just need the thought of knowing that you would even think about me, let alone love me.

_I never will forget that look upon your face_

_How you turned away and left without a trace_

_But I understand that you did what you had to do_

_And I thank you_

When the van took off that night, I knew that I was losing something special and important to me. When I saw you turn around once more, I saw you whisper 'I'm sorry' and you have nothing to be sorry for. I understand completely why you had to go, but it still breaks my heart. That look that you gave me has been etched in my mind forever; because that was the last time I'd ever see you again. But then I learned you were put into the Witness Protection Program, and that gave me some hope. I knew it'd be impossible to track you down, so I didn't even bother. I knew that when everything was settled, and when you were ready to come back, you would. I hoped and prayed everyday that you would come back. I thought every time my phone rang, I had a knock on the door, or a written letter sent to me was you. My hopes were way too high, and I kicked myself in the ass for it. I continuously kick myself in the ass for it, because everyday I lose a little bit more hope of you ever coming back… It's been a long time, and anyone who's ever meant something to me, has left me forever...

_I know you had to go away_

_I died just a little, and I feel it now_

_You're the one I need_

_I believe that I would cry just a little_

_Just to have you back now_

_Here with me_

_Here with me_

I need you Alex. I need you so much… but I'm beginning to lose hope. From once being about 100 percent sure you were coming back, I'm not only about 15 percent sure. I've tried dating, but nothing. Every person I go on a date with, I imagine it's you and I just can't do it. I end up apologizing and leaving the moment you enter me mind. You're killing me Alex… I just wish you'd come back and I'd wish you just do something to show me that I shouldn't lose hope… I honestly don't know what to think anymore. Should I just move on and be with someone who I will never love? Or should I be alone for the rest of my life? I want to be with you Alex, but I know it would take a miracle for that to happen…

As I finish my run, I'm in tears. All those thoughts that go through my mind constantly kill me. I really don't know what to do anymore. I've waited for her for so long, and I wonder that if she hasn't come back yet, why now? Why would I think she'd ever come back? I need some type of sign, clue, or just something… anything… I'm starting to believe that I lost that one true love that everyone looks for in life. And I know that I will never be able to fulfill it by how m life is turning out to be…

Maybe I'm just meant to be alone. Maybe I'm just meant to let my job rule my entire life, and not let me be truly happy.

Maybe this is a sign that I was never meant to be happy…  
Maybe I'm just _that_ unlucky..

I need you back now, here with me...


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to SVU. Nor do I own the song. [Natasha Bedingfield – Soulmate**

**Alright, oh deary everyone. I am so so so so sorry for not updating in 2 weeks! I've been having some serious family issues recently and I just haven't had the will to write because of how draining it's been. I really am so sorry because I know there are a few people who are really looking out for this story.**

**Also, I just wanna thank everyone who corrected my mistakes. I kinda get excited when I finish a chapter because I wanna post it immediately and I forget to proof it. **

**This chapter and last chapter have been especially hard because I'm sitting here, headphones on, listening to the song over and over again. I kinda mess myself up that way. And I hate that when I listen to the radio, I hear more songs that relate to this show and situation, but I am only doing this chapter and the last chapter as songs.**

**Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

I need to get out of my house. I need to go back to my home in Manhattan, and I need my old friends. Honestly, here I am, taking a bubble bath, completely alone and miserable. Between being a teacher here, and trying to have a personal life, is pretty damn rough on me. I take too many bubble baths anyway, but I need them. I need my relaxation time and my music… but I drift into my own world a lot…

_Incompatible, it don't matter though_

_'cos someone's bound to hear my cry_

_Speak out if you do_

_You're not easy to find_

Relationships and I don't work.

I've realized that, and not just now, but when I was at SVU I never had much luck with relationships. I've dated my fair share of men, but not once have I ever felt that connection, like I've felt with a woman. Dating women is a completely different and I guess I could say somewhat erotic. I say erotic because dating the same sex; they tend to already know what makes a girl weak in the knees, and what makes her heart flutter. No man has ever made my heart flutter…

_Is it possible Mr/Miss Loveable?_

_Is already in my life?_

_Right in front of me_

_Or maybe you're in disguise_

I know what love is. I never thought I could but I do. I once dated a girl named Serena Southerlyn, which many people know as an ADA also… She was too much of a hot head for me. Serena had a different way to handle almost everything, and I couldn't handle all the weird stuff that she did and how she was always so aggressive. I will tell you though, she is my best friend now; well was when I was still alive.

I really miss Serena, and not just as an ex lover, but because I was able to tell her pretty much anything in my life. She's the only one who knew about my crush back then. That silly little crush…

_Who doesn't long for someone to hold?_

_Who knows how to love you without being told?_

_Somebody tell me why I'm on my own_

_If there's a soulmate for everyone_

That silly little crush nearly destroyed my heart. I compare everyone to her. Are they strong like her? Are they powerful and influential like her? Do they have a past like her? Do they know me like she did? Do they take the time to offer me help constantly and then act caring to me?

She was an amazing woman, but I'm sure if I ever return, she found someone special for her. She didn't even know about my feelings for her so how am I even supposed to begin to think that she's saving herself for me? I don't even know if she's gay for Christ's sake. So why am I doing this to myself? I think it's because it's the last bit of hope I have to hold on to. I think that it makes me believe, even for a split second, that I could be happy again. Maybe I really am just fooling myself, but I know that I love that woman and I know that I need to go back one day…

_Here we are again, circles never end_

_How do I find the perfect fit?_

_There's enough for everyone_

_But I'm still waiting in line_

I can't date men anymore. I'm scared to death of men because of the rape that happened. I feel safer with women anyway, which is weird because people portray women to be weak minded and not strong. On the contrary, I see a woman as being fierce, loving, passionate, and very strong minded. I don't need a woman who is strong and can beat the crap out of everything because I'm capable of doing that. I need a woman who is willing to put up with my nonsense, and who's willing to deal with a strong spoken, stubborn yet loving woman. I keep going in circles, I know. I thought when I was with Serena, she was the one for me; now I laugh about that thought. I think being with her just made us even closer and I don't think I could ever see us ever being a couple again. I don't think she'll ever forgive me when she finds out I'm still alive.

_If there's a soulmate for everyone_

_Most relationships seem so transitory_

_They're all good but not the permanent one_

All my relationships have never worked. They've never really been real for me. I didn't feel that I was going to spend the rest of my life with any of my past relationships. With Serena, I made myself believe that just because I wanted to get the whole meeting new people and dating scene over with. I think that woman screwed me up in the head, but I'm glad she did because she reprogrammed my mind and my heart to never fall for her type again. We laugh about it all of the time, but when love is brought up between us, she always brings up Olivia. She hassled me to tell her for months, but I never was able to. She said Olivia had to be gay and that she could easily tell so I had to jump on that. Serena telling me that Olivia could be gay was the highlight of that night, and it gave me a little bit of hope. But I never told her, and I regret it completely.

_Who doesn't long for someone to hold?_

_Who knows how to love you without being told?_

_Somebody tell me why I'm on my own_

_If there's a soulmate for everyone_

I need to go back home to see her and to tell her my true feelings. If I don't, I'm always going to regret it. She could be the love of my life, and here I am, sitting in Wisconsin, knowing that Velez was killed, just wasting my life away, alone. I'm going back, and after my bath I'm going to start packing and I'll tell Hammond I'm going back. But I of course have to tell him not to contact anyway back in Manhattan because this will be a surprise…


	5. Chapter 5

"El, what's up? You called my cell phone in a panic.." I was not in the mood for this nonsense. I barely slept last night and I'm annoyed beyond disbelief.

"Cap wants us to take the day off because Munch and Finn wanted to take the whole day to themselves in the office," he sounded excited like he had something planned.

"Really? That's great El. I think I'm going to go back to sleep for a little bit, then most likely take a walk. You're more than welcome to join me, that's only if Kathy won' mind you leaving her for an hour or two on Valentine's Day."

"I don't think she'll mind Liv. It's you, she knows there's nothing going on between us, and plus, it'll give me some extra time to find something for her. Alright then, give me a call in a bit when you're ready to go. I'll run by the flower shop to pick you up a rose."

I smiled. "Thanks El, you're a lifesaver for that. I'll give you a call in a bit. Bye."

On the note, I'm going back to bed. I don't need to worry about my monthly rose purchase or have to worry about being on time to work or anything. Today is looking up.

Now of course, about an hour has passed and I'm still not sleeping, so I'm aggravated. I decide to get up and jump in the shower to try to wake up a bit. My shower consisted of me just standing under cold water, and for the first time I wasn't bothered by the coldness of the water.

I decide to get out after a half hour and get dressed. I throw on a pair of jeans, a blue t-shirt, and throw my jacket on over it all.

I grab my phone of the table and realize I have 2 missed calls. "Private name private number… who could be calling me private?" I say out loud trying to figure out who the hell that could be. I decide to call Elliot.

"Hey Elliot, you ready?... yeah I am… thank you for buying the rose… oh I got 2 private calls today, have any clue who they could've been?... yeah me neither, but whatever, I'll meet you at the park at our usual spot… see ya then."

I grab my keys and head out of my apartment remembering to lock up. Suddenly, a small black lab runs up to me and starts licking me, so I bend down and give it all the attention I have.

"Oh hello Olivia, how are you today? It's such a gorgeous day. Are you going to meet that handsome man you work with?" She had a huge smile plastered on her face and I couldn't help but laugh.

"I'm alright Mrs. Sooy, and it is a very beautiful day today. It's a lot warmer than it's been." I laugh, "Yes, I'm going to meet up with Elliot, and remember Mrs. Sooy, he's married and has kids so I'm not sure if you have a chance with him to be honest…"

"Oh dear, I wasn't meaning for me, but for you. I see you almost every morning and you never seem too happy. You never bring anyone home and I worry about you dear.. you're such a nice and beautiful woman that I wonder if men are stupid and blind. Well I know they are because I married one a long time ago, but what can ya do dear?"

We both laughed at her statement, but then I realize the time. "I'm sorry Mrs. Sooy, but I have to go… Next time I see little Max here, I'll make sure I bring him a treat since he's such a good boy." The dogs ears perked up at the sound of the word treat.

"Have a good day dear, and happy Valentine's Day!" I smiled at her and nodded, and headed towards the park, and saw Elliot sitting on a bench.

"El, I'm so sorry… Have you been waiting long? Mrs. Sooy stopped to talk to me again, and I really think she has the hots for you partner. She's always asking about you."

He couldn't help but laugh, "I haven't been here that long, maybe 5 minutes at the most. Liv, that woman knows I'm married and has kids. She sends me Christmas cards every year. I think she's more interested in our relationship. She must think I'm having an affair with you." Now I couldn't help but laugh because the thought of me and him being in a romantic relationship just seems out of this world.

We end up just walking around the park for a good hour, talking and laughing and it feels nice. It feels really nice to just be able to talk to someone without having to worry about what others may think.

"You know Liv, if you ever need anyone to talk to; my cell is always on me. I'm sure Kathy wouldn't mind you coming over once in awhile and calling me ever so often just to talk. The kids absolutely love you, and I think they miss you."

"I promise sometime this week I'll come over, alright? I'm gonna get going El, I wanna get to the cemetery before dark and it's a decent walk." He looked over at me and grabbed my arm before I could go.

"Liv, let me drive you there. It's the least I could do. I know when you go to the cemetery it's not the easiest thing for you. I know that you're mom might've treated you poorly, but you still miss her..." I nod and we walk to his car.

Throughout the 20 minute drive to the cemetery, he tells the worst jokes I've ever heard. He must've learned them from the kids, and I can't help but laugh. He drops me off in the front by the office.

"Thanks El, I really appreciate it, I'll give you a call later okay?" I give him a hug inside the car.

"Don't worry about it partner, if you ever need me, you know my number. Cheer up, today will get better…" He smirks and I'm rather confused. "Bye El.."

I walk over to my mom's grave and place the rose down on it.

"Hi mom, I'm sorry I didn't come last week, but I was really busy at work. Elliot picked out this really beautiful rose for me to bring to give to you. Things are going great with us, mom. He's such a good friend to me, and an amazing partner. I still haven't found that special someone for me mom, and it's killing me. I want you to be proud of me and happy for me… I love you mom. I'll see you soon." I place the rose down, and wipe the tears from my face.

I start walking away and I notice to my right there was a headstone that said the last name "Cabot". I look closer and I gasp. This is Alex's headstone. I couldn't bear to go to the burial after the funeral because I knew she was still alive.

I stand there for a good 20 minutes just thinking about everything that's happened. The day Hammond brought us to the van and Alex popped out and I was in disbelief. I know she's alive now but it still hurts that she had to do this. I don't realize the time after awhile but I realize it's starting tog et late and I want to get back home before dark. I snap back from daydreaming, and I get myself together when I hear a voice come from behind me. I turned around and was in disbelief.

"Do you always visit an empty grave on Valentine's day and sit here and daydream…?"


	6. Chapter 6

I decided to go back.  
I'm sure that everyone knew I'd be back, but didn't know when.

I was planning on going to the precinct, but I had some unfinished business that I needed to tend to first.

Honestly, I have no clue where to start looking, so I decide to do the next best thing, call Elliot. Of course when I called and said it was me, he was in complete shock. He began asking me 20 questions about everything, and I answered most of them, but he only had to answer one question of mine…

"Where's Olivia?" I heard him take a breath and realized maybe now was the wrong time.

"She's actually at the cemetery visiting her mother. I was with her in the park all morning, and we headed our own ways about an hour ago… I'm sure she's still there Alex. Can I ask you one thing though?"

I hesitated. "Sure, what's up?"

"Take care of her Alex… ever since you left she's been a complete mess. For awhile there I thought I was going to lose my partner, and potentially lose my best friend one day…" He coughed and did a small laugh.

"Dete.. Elliot, I promise you I have the best intentions with her, and I promise you that taking care of her is on the top of my priorities. I plan to make up for the last 5 years."

"Good. Now go find her Alex. Give her the Valentines Day present that she's needed…"

I laughed, "I will Elliot. I'll give you a call later and let you know what's up. Bye" He said his goodbyes and we hung up. Now I just hope that I make it to the cemetery in time. I'm a decent ways away, but I'm sure with my driving I could get there easily in 15, 20 minutes.

I made every possible short cut that I could, and ended up getting there a little bit later than I thought. I hoped to God that she was still there because if not, I might back out, and I can't do that to her, and myself.

I park inside the parking lot of the cemetery, and I look around not knowing where to even start. This place was gigantic and I knew I'd better start looking now or I'd never find her. I realized that I should go to the office and ask where her mother was buried. I walk up the steps and go inside.

"Excuse me ma'am, but can you help me find a grave?" I ask politely.

"Oh yes, that is one thing I can do, do you know the exact name?" She looks up at me and smiles.

"The last name is Benson, her daughter visits her often, her name is Olivia…" I was very uncertain because I knew that probably wouldn't help.

"Well, in the database, we have about 25 Benson's and they're all scattered. If you knew the first name I could tell you exactly where, but I'm afraid I'm no help otherwise. I'm sorry darling…" She looked up at me apologetically.

I sighed, "Thank you for your help though…" I started to walk out.

"Oh, wait a second, there was a girl named Olivia here earlier, I'm not sure if she's still there. I might know who you're looking for then…" She looked into the computer and typed some names, "Ah, she's in lot 4, 3rd row, and about the 5th one in… I hope that helps." She smiled, and I smiled back.

"Thank you!" And I rushed out. I looked in the exact spot, and Liv was not there, so I looked everywhere.

I'm getting frustrated now, so I sat down on a side bench. I put my head in my hands, "Liv, where are you," I whispered to myself. As I look up, I saw a tall, built woman walk towards a headstone, and my heart dropped. I don't know if my heart dropped because the sight of her, or the sight of my own grave. The thought never even entered my mind that she'd be at my grave. _My empty grave._

I got up and began walking closer towards her, and realized she had been crying because she was shaking a little bit. She sat down in front of the grave and began talking, but I wasn't close enough to hear. She kept wiping her face because I knew she had been crying. It pained me to see her cry, it really did. So I decide to muster up the strength and walk behind her, trying to get there without her noticing me, and I succeed.

I'm standing there for a good 5 minutes, so I decided to break the silence.

"Do you always visit an empty grave on Valentine's Day and sit here and daydream…?" I said it with as much confidence that I could find in myself, and I was afraid she was just going to run away. She sat there for a couple of seconds before slowly getting up. She stood up and was still facing away from me, so I put my hand on her shoulder, and could feel her tense up.

I don't think she realized what was going on because she was still in a dazed state. She didn't move at all when I put my hand on her shoulder, and I knew that she knew it was me. I just knew it. I had to say something,_anything_. I had no clue what was going on in her head, but I knew it had to do with me. I mean, she was sitting in front of my grave for God knows how long, so she must've been thinking of me.

I hesitated, but let out a slow, low breath. "Liv…" The moment I said her name, she snapped out of her daze and threw herself against me. She wrapped her arms around my waist and I couldn't do anything but hug her back. I don't even think she realized it was me, but she needed for someone to be there with her, and I made it a fact to be me. I felt her relax, and she looked up at me, and I saw something in her eyes that I've never seen. Emptiness.

"If you're not real, just wake me up from this dream now… I can't bare to have my heart broken twice.. I just can't..." She was able to say something that just broke my heart right there. I grabbed her hand and brought it up to my face, "Liv, I'm real. I'm as real as I've ever been…" She looked down at my other hand and cried. "You can't be real… no no… you can't… I've dreamed about this too many times and this same thing happens. I wake up and you're no longer there... please don't do this to me again.. I couldn't take it…"

I started to tear up at her words because she spoke with so much emotion. I didn't know what to do to make her believe that I was real, so I did the only thing I could think of.

_I kissed her_. And not a kiss that said 'I want to take you to bed for hours on end' but it was a kiss that meant that I was really here, and that I'm here to stay.

I pulled away, and she looked at me, and I now realized her eyes were no longer empty; they were full of life.

"Alex…" Hearing her say my name for the first time felt amazing to me. I just held her even tighter and whispered that I was here to stay to her. We were so caught up with each other that I don't think we noticed it was starting to rain…

"Liv, it's starting to rain, let's head to your apartment, get some dry clothes, and talk there. Is that okay? I don't mean to impose on anything…"

"Yeah, that sounds great. And Alex, you could never impose on anything. I've waited for this moment for years… nothing you do could ever get in the way…" She smiled. For the first time she smiled, and she was so beautiful…

We pulled away for the first time, and I grabbed her hand. "Come on; let's get out of here…" We walked to my car, and we drove to her apartment.

For the first time in 5 years, and even my entire life, I felt whole. I had Liv back, and I was back where I belonged. I was home. We had a lot to talk about, and I knew it... and I was ready for it. Everything would be okay because I'm with her now, and things could not get better.

_Whenever dark turns to night  
And all the dreams sing their song  
And in the daylight forever  
**To you I belong**_


End file.
